Alien round the world

After these really intense discoveries about the AC/OC connection I desperately needed a rest - and got what I was looking at the edge of the world. This in on Long Beach Island at the very far end in a beatufully laid back Motel - the North Shore lnn. It’s comcastic and has a high speed WLAN feature - included free in the bargain of 70 green paper replicas. Jaa haaa.

As there is nothing much to do after a day at the completely deserted beaches, I just fired up my new BBQ grill and relax. Of course not just me - my best friend Samuel Adams together with some chips and a big Muppet rib eye are of course part of my party. I love alien travels - and relaxations. Jaaa haaa.

After some nice but fully packed and crowded beaches in Ocean City I finally survived the Memorial OBS - which has far more background than what’s promoted in the commercials - but this is not the topic of todays report summary.

Today it’s time for some brand new top secret discoveries during my travels along the beachline of NJ. A closer inspection of the Cape May suroundings clearly reveals that the steering committee has previously sent Orange agents down to Earth. It must have been at ancient times when hunting of Muppets was still allowed. Not only the leftovers of Muppet trap beacons to attract the Muppets can easily be found close to the beach but there is also a leftover of a tremendous Muppet meat cannery - the main entrance is clearly marked in Home colors. Jaaa haaa.

Moving further up the shoreline shows decent human activity on the beaches. But appearntly not to hunt Muppets but to pull out some still unspecified species off the ocean using practically invisible rope. Interestingly each time they pull a new species they compare it to a friend called Dick - and put it back into the water shortly after taking some posing shots with the animal - probably for their missing Dick.

Anyhow, even after that Dick confusion I contiuned my mission to AC - Atlantic City. This aged, run down bad copy of some vibrant desert citiy I visited during another mission is definetely a place to avoid. Unless one missed school for a couple of years and still belives the next million can easily be made at some slot machine. Even having missed the math class for a while does not necessarily mean one got blind. On the other hand this is my only conclusion why some humas don’t see the Trump imperia build from their just missed millions. This Trump trap is truely by far more clever than our ancient Muppet trap ever was. Jaaa haaa.

Of course there are special days on Orangina we celebrate no to forget. For example there is Muppetorial day the steering committee made a public holiday - for the Muppets of course, since Aliens don’t work physically. This is the official day to remember the day when hunting of muppets got prohibited. Of course every Alien regrets that pretty much and for exchange, so is our belive, we get a day of.

Anyhow, down here on Earth I found they have public holidays as well. For example they celebrate the whole weekend and Monday a day called Memorial Sale - as I found out watching TV. To be exact it’s actually Memorial OBS -
Ocean Beach Sale. And - of course - I had to participate in it to render my mission a success. Jaaa haaa.

Now, in the OBS the carbon based lifeforms clean their shit out and throw the garbage out on their yard. Easy - and even better - clever. Clever bacouse they make so called money out of it. Muppets and bypassers are asked to stop by and grab whatever they find from the garbage in exchange for small round pieces of metal or green printed paper we reproduced at an earlier time using our advanced Alien technology. Because this celebration looked like fun I took part of it and found in the waste a brand new personal BBQ table grill, a new grill fork - and even better highly sophisticated working gloves imported from Home - all in exchange for just 2.25 of that money - no bargaining necessary.

But this is still not the full story - of course. These humans start even to give out freshly BBQed Mupped meat for Memorial OBS too. Appearantly totally illegal but the don’t care at all since it’s for the OBS. Incredible but true.

I simply love the Memorial OBS but haven’t found out yet if there is even more about it. Stay tuned on this channel for an update.

This country is truely a great nation and has some advantages we are missing on Orangina. This is probably one reason why my mission and the offical report is so important for the steering committe. It’s not only to find a new ressource for our fur to wear in the cold nights since Muppets are so highly endangered that hunting is strictly prohibited but there is more behind the scenes.

Today I even discovered two things at once we can learn from America. On Orangina we still use plenty of robots and machinery since Muppets to work in the household are diffcult to obtain nowadays. Here in the US they’ve rendered some of the machinery simply useless and superseed it with even higher advanced technology - probably imported from Yellowina.

To give you an example they don’t wash dishes by hand nor use Muppets or a dishwasher down here anymore. No. They have self inflating - and probably self deflating dishes for breakfast - at least in this highly advanced zero star motel. The clue is that you just grab a plate, use it and put it in a deflation container. What then happens and how it’s going to be cleand and inflated afterwards is still a mystical secret to me - but I’ll hopefully find out and bring this truely Superalien technology back home.

Along with this discovery goes another cool invention I was part experiencing of today. Its about how to reduce personal energy spending during a kajak trip. It’s simple and smart: Just take the vessel put it into some bigger Virtual Antimateria Nuclear power driven ship - in short van. Then take it up the river to let the smaller vessel float down with the current and let the passenger enjoy the trip without wasting energy. Simple, effective and very much fun.

These both cases show true American nature and I love it very much. Jaaa haaa.

As you might know Bluenia is a beautiful neighboughing solar system of Orangina - and the home of my very good friend Blue. Every once in a while spce traders exchange goods between our solar systems but never found a route that takes them to the center of the universe to have a drink afterwards.

Since the universe is quite streched out at it’s very far ends nobody was able to determine the center of it yet - although many scientists tried very hard. Unless now we might have come closer to an answer.

Due to my intensive research here in NJ/US/Earth, I was at least able to bring a bit of light into the question where the center might be. By a simple proof of contradiction I can spectificly determine the middle of nowhere which then of course leads easily to the center of the universe.

The middle of nowhere is right here, where I am. Hammonton NJ. Jaaa haaa. Easy.

Furthermore I found out today that Hammonton is the Blueberry capital of the world. Which then of course raises the question whether an exploration mission from Bluenia has landed here before and seeded some Bluberry seeds in the early days of Earth’ existence - right in the center to send lighthouse beacons out so nobody crosses the edge of the universe and falls into a deep abyss.

How can I be so sure that this is the center of nowhere? Easy - in the center of nowhere is nothing - not even concrete. And thats exactly the spot I was looking for.

The good news is that nowhere has at least a Motel with very friendly and helpful carbon based lifeforms working as the Muppets.

Anyhow - I love this spot. Nothing but Bluberries, Muppets, woods and lakes. Beatiful - and since it’s off season and in the middle of the week also quite vast. Because it’s quite deserted threre are not many space sheriffs around to enforce space lwas. This is why they sell illegal Muppet meat at every corner and provide even space to grill it. I love nowhere. Jaaa haaa.

Among many things I’ve learned in Philly there is one outstanding. The food and how people like it. Extra greasy with additional double cheese and mayo - not important of what you are having - but sushi. To me it appears that the toxic waste we are dumping into space on Orangina is similar to the food celebration down here. But here the make it always twice the size.

Since Aliens try to stay in a fair shape even without doing any sports this is gonna be hard if food habits continue like this. The good news is that even though the steering comittee asks me to probe the ingredients people are taking, there are alternatives. Jaaa haaa.

I love Philly but now I’m off to the woods to flee from the concrete jungle.

Since it’s part of my mission to document the important learnings in this documentary - today I’ll fail. Even though this is a four star accomodation, they do not provide wireless Alien transmission technology on the 14th floor.

Due to this technoloy lack I was forced to buy IPTV access. This is probably the worse pirate copy of Alien technology I’ve ever seen.

Actually I wanted to report about the misunderstanding of the history, about liverty, independence an that all Aliens are unequal. But this is impossible with this sh*t. Hope at least this message comes thru.

After some restless sleep I got wiser and reserved a bed in Philly for two nights. Four stars - nothing less after this crap.

Making my way out of the suburbs of Baltimore, I clearly realized the unique location of my resting place. Right in the middle of the industrial area where not many Orange or White Aliens have made their way into. Especially the hotel probably has never seen a White Alien before …

Taking the legendary route 1 going straight to Philly was a true breeze. Quite similar to the countryside of Orangina with just two differences. First they plant crop and raise cattle rather than mushrooms and Muppets. And second the odor is quite similar to the toxic waste rather than the beatiful shroomi smell in the field back home.

Anyhow I enjoyed the ride pretty much and the landing in Philly was soft without any dust - thanks to the ancient Alien GPS techonlogy transfer former visitors initiated. Jaaa haa.

Short after my arrival I discovered a false rumor. The claim of “wireless city” is a fake or a vision of future. Not even at the Aliens welcome center they serve access to the network. Nevertheless I like the city - even though it took me some time to discover the starsucks with its wireless net…

After passing thru the beautiful and laid back town of Annapolis I’ve reached Baltimore. Unfortunately.

Unfortunately because I got disappointed twice. First I dropped in quite late and found appearantly the last room in town or better said in the outskirts of Baltimore. At least it’s clean and cheap. Have I heard you saying “if you pay Muppets you get Muppets”? Right.

The good news is that they provide at least free wlan - even though the connection to my smartphone keeps dropping all time. Right, it’s all Muppets…

The second disappointment is the city itself. Rather than a nice harbour overcrowded with finnished school students with embaressing ties, there is nothing much to see. Except how the locals live here.

Local species of the flying nature drill holes into habor lanterns and make it a living for growing their family. Certain black species on the other hand live in packed run down suburbs where I hardly dare to stop my vessel.

No way - I’m off and hope to find my luck in Phili tomorrow. It can’t get much worse.

After yesterdays weather turbulences held me up talking to the leader of the local steering committee - I was lucky today. Jaaa haaa.

The leader is clearly distinguishable from the local inhabitants. He is fat, ugly, has the hands full of dirty money and loves to smoke big cigars. In general I found him not to be a heartly person - hard to belive he holds the power and the destiny of this planet in his hands. I also don’t understand why the locals call him Bush instead of Boss - although he appears to me more like a big animal.

Anyhow, we had an interesting conversation about his plans to conquer the universe under the cover of fighting space pirates. For real it turned out he gives a shit to protect his species but he is only after the resources of distant galaxies - especially after crude Muppetblood used to fuel the local vessels. It seems some Alien technology transfer is urgently necessary for alternative energy ressources. This will be part of our negociations during my next visit.

This is truely a very strange planet - beautiful, kind and welcoming natives but a disgusting, unfriendly leader. See the picture where we meet in front of the Capitol and judge yourself…

Even though carbon based lifeforms are of the same roots as Muppetkind - and therefore are not really intelligent - they have one talent we are missing on Orangina: they CAN predict certain kinds of water and air aggregations known as clouds and weather.

Just when I was about to prepare my speech at the Capitol it started pooring like hell - and of course since I don’t belive in human forecasts I had left my Alien technology to keep me dry and saft back in the hotel. Since I was completely soaked I had to pass on my speech - warming up again at starbucks - although I regret it’s not like Amsterdam - the latte is hot at least.

Cheers,
O-)

After some minor delays caused by mission control, I finally landed soft and smoothly down on this Alien planet. Local natives are very helpful and transport vehicles are much bigger than ordered in advance. Probably another minor mistake to my favor by mission control.

Anyhow my batteries are recharged after 10h rest and I’m ready for exploration. First trip will take me to trade some local Alien technology, GSM card, GPS navigation and of course an electrical tooth brush thats compatible with local power fields.

I look forward meet the representatives of the Alien planet at the big space antenna, which locals call the Washington monument to distract locals from it’s real usage. Jaaa haa.
Stay tuned at this channel for live updates on my discovery mission.
O-)

The steering committee just instructed mission control to conduct with the final preparation
phase. Jaa haa.

Of course the Orange landing gear containing all the tools to survive the harsh atmosphere was part of the first preparation phase already.

Exploration vessle launch is finally set to
Monday May 14th, 9:00.

First stop takes me to meet the steering comittee of the Unknown Space Terretories and explore Washington, DC.

Stay tuned - the count down will be transmitted live into space.
O-)